Is there really some inexplicable perfect formula which will win you five million in cash for the NCAA’s biggest tournament starting later today?

Yeah. According to ESPN, they have Bob Knight and that’s all that MATTERS. Listen up. I like Coach Knight but have you ever seen a network go so ga ga over itself?!?!?!?!?! Only ESPN could continue to pat itselves on the back and wave the pom poms as if it invented sports. How far low will they go?

Bristol only cares about getting the big names. It need not matter if they aren’t as good as an average former player or coach. That’s all they’re good for. Well, at the very least, that Detroit coaching legend Dickie V is still around sweating at every turn. Will someone please send him a case of white towels? Just make sure Jerry Tarkanian didn’t bite on them!

So, how does one go about picking the brackets for this big tournament? Well, according to all the experts, you can’t go against a No.1 seed. Well, at least they might be right this time around because all four 1’s are strong.

There are sure to be a few bracket busters along the way who make life miserable for everyone’s pool.

So let’s just get this over with because I’m not pretending to be a highly paid expert with a Bristol background. Actually, I know the area quite well. Shhhh. That will be our little secret.

EAST

First Round 

(1) UNC over (16) Mount St. Mary’s

(8) Indiana over (9) Arkansas

(5) Notre Dame over (12) George Mason

(13) Winthrop over (4) Washinton St.

(11) St. Joseph’s over (6) Oklahoma

(3) Louisville over (14) Boise St.

(10) South Alabama over (7) Butler

(2) Tennessee over (15) American

Second Round

(1) UNC over (8) Indiana

(5) Notre Dame over (13) Winthrop

(11) St. Joseph’s over (3) Louisville

(2) Tennessee over (10) South Alabama

Sweet 16

(1) UNC over (5) Notre Dame

(2) Tennessee over (11) St. Joseph’s

Regional Final

(1) UNC over (2) Tennessee

Analysis: Everyone seems to love Louisville but they rely way too much on the perimeter. If they force too many and have an off day, they’re going to get picked off despite the depth they have. I just am not in love with this Coach Pitino team. Notre Dame could bow out early to George Mason or they could reach the Sweet 16 and push the Tar Heels before falling. Despite a tough bracket, UNC has too much talent on and off the bench to lose. Tennessee should give them a great game in the Regional but when the chips are down, I’m taking the Tar Heels.

MIDWEST

First Round

(1) Kansas over (16) Portland St.

(9) Kent St. over (8) UNLV

(5) Clemson over (12) Villanova

(4) Vandy over (13) Siena

(6) USC over (11) Kansas St.

(3) Wisconsin over (14) CSU Fullerton

(10) Davidson over (7) Gonzaga

(2) Georgetown over (15) UMBC

Second Round

(1) Kansas over (9) Kent St.

(5) Clemson over (4) Vandy

(6) USC over (3) Wisconsin

(2) Georgetown over (10) Davidson

Sweet 16

(5) Clemson over (1) Kansas

(2) Georgetown over (6) USC

Regional Final

(2) Georgetown over (5) Clemson

Analysis: I have one simple rule when picking. Any bracket which has Kansas as a top seed is weak. I don’t care how great their players are. When the chips are down and it gets tight, they bend over faster than Paris Hilton. Clemson’s athletic and battle tested enough to take them out. That battle of freshmen O.J. Mayo vs Michael Beasley in the opening round is one hell of a game. Hope I get to see it. Georgetown could run into trouble against Davidson and sharp shooter Stephen Curry but their inside-out combo should be enough to get them deep into March for a second consecutive year.

SOUTH

First Round

(1) Memphis over (16) Tx Arlington

(9) Oregon over (8) Mississippi St.

(12) Temple over (5) Michigan St.

(4) Pitt over (13) Oral Roberts

(6) Marquette over (11) Kentucky

(3) Stanford over (14) Cornell

(10) St. Mary’s over (7) Miami Fla

(2) Texas over (15) Austin Peay

Second Round

(1) Memphis over (9) Oregon

(4) Pitt over (12) Temple

(6) Marquette over (3) Stanford

(2) Texas over (10) St. Mary’s

Sweet 16

(1) Memphis over (4) Pittsburgh

(2) Texas over (6) Marquette

Regional Final

(1) Memphis over (2) Texas

Analysis: Big East champ Pitt should finally break their jinx and win a couple of rounds but won’t have enough scoring to stop Memphis’ high flying attack. Jerel McNeal and Dominick James are one of the best backcourts and should be able to help Marquette knock out Stanford but they won’t have enough to beat D.J. Augustin and the Longhorns. I just think Memphis has too many weapons. Especially with freshman sensation Derrick Rose running the show.

WEST

First Round

(1) UCLA over (16) Miss. Valley St.

(9) Texas A & M over (8) BYU

(5) Drake over Western Kentucky

(4) Uconn over (13) San Diego

(6) Purdue over (11) Baylor

(3) Xavier over (14) Georgia

(7) West Va over (10) Arizona

(2) Duke over (15) Belmont

Second Round

(1) UCLA over (9) Texas A & M

(4) Uconn over (5) Drake

(3) Xavier over (6) Purdue

(7) West Va over (2) Duke

Sweet 16

(1) UCLA over (4) Uconn

(3) Xavier over (7) West Va

Regional Final

(1) UCLA over (3) Xavier

Analysis: This is probably the easiest bracket out of the four. With the talented Bruins basically playing at home and fragile high seeds such as Duke and Connecticut, UCLA should come out unscathed. Uconn could lose early but don’t discount the leadership of point guard A.J. Price. Shot blocking center Hasheem Thabeet must stay on the court. The Blue Devils are an excellent perimeter team but a potential second round match-up against Joe Alexander and the Mountaineers could be problematic. We like Xavier but that second round isn’t a given against Purdue. Either way, the Bruins with Darren Collison and freshman Kevin Love should have too much for whoever they meet in the regional final advancing to a third straight Final Four.

Final Four

(1) UNC over (2) Georgetown

(1) UCLA over (1) Memphis

NCAA Championship

(1) UCLA over (1) UNC

Final score: 75-72

Analysis: How boring to pick the Bruins. I know. What’s so riveting about that anyway? They’re experienced and can score more and play D better than anyone in the country. I just don’t trust UNC enough to take them but they should have enough to get by Georgetown this time to get revenge for last year at East Rutherford. John Wooden gets to see one more title.