Considering how depressing the news has been around baseball due to the Mitchell Report and Roger Clemens’ denial that he didn’t cheat, this story was about as bizarre as it gets and in a way comical.

Well, just maybe not to Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon. According to the closer via Mark Pratt’s AP report, his bulldog Boss ate the series clinching ball. Guess he showed Pap who was boss.

“He plays with baseballs like they are his toys,” the 27 year-old from Baton Rouge Louisiana explained to Hattiesburg (Miss.) American of the ball he K’d Colorado pinch-hitter Seth Smith on to complete Boston’s second WS sweep in three years.

“He jumped up one day on the counter and snatched it. He likes rawhide. He tore that thing to pieces. Nobody knows that. I’ll keep what’s left of it.”

Can’t you just hear George Washington Duke’s Rocky V character now going, “Only in America.”

Maybe it’s better off this way since it probably would’ve wound up on ebay. What isn’t on there these days? Just imagine if Papelbon kept the torn threads and rubber. Couldn’t you just see some desperate fans paying a ridiculous price of what’s left of a ball that was in Boss’ mouth?!?!?!?!?!

Man, I wouldn’t go anywhere near that. But you know it would happen because people these days just don’t give a damn. Just picture this ad:

Item: 2007 World Series Game Four Series Clinching Ball

Details: It might not be like other pieces of sports memoribilia. But that’s what makes this special. You are bidding on the remains of a 2007 World Series clinching ball which Boston closer Jonathan Papelbon struckout pinch-hitter Seth Smith swinging to complete the Red Sox’ second series sweep in three years. Papelbon’s dog Boss accidentally ate the ball tearing it to shreds. But right here in front of you is a rare thread from the remains. Just imagine being able to have this limited piece adding it to your collection. Touched by one of the best young closers in baseball. And a championship to boot.

Starting bid: $8.00

As the bids would come in one by one, it would reach astronomical proportions. The slimy remains from the bulldog’s mouth. But hey! It was a piece of history. :-) And that’s all that matters baby!

I can’t recall getting this carried away over something. Eh. Who am I kidding? I crack up pretty much everyone I come into contact with.

Well, the good news is that the Red Sox weren’t too worried about the ball like that whole Doug Mientkiewicz debacle in 2004 which broke an 86-year drought.

“The 2004 ball is obviously very special to us because it was the club’s first World Series win in 86 years,” team spokesman John Blake admitted earlier today to the AP. “This ball was in the hands of one of the players and we take his word at what happened to it, but it’s a non-issue as far as the club’s concerned.”

“We did not ask for the ball,” spokesman Jeff Idelson added. “We were more focused on other items.”

Hey. They got two championships and clearly look like the favorite to repeat next year. What more could they want? If you live in Massachusetts these days where the Sahhhxxx are on top of the baseball world, the Patriots are looking to make NFL history as they aim for a fourth Super Bowl ring, the Celtics are back with a vengeance thanks to Kevin McHale and even the Bruins are competitive, life is good.

Who knew? The dog must have.