Clown Management 101

Krusty The Klown welcomed his newest members Thursday afternoon in Tampa.

Earlier today roughly an hour ago, Joe Torre officially became the ex-manager of the Yankees when he wisely turned down a one-year $5 million deal with incentives if he made the World Series.

There also was an option for a second year. This is what took so long for the circus known as the Tampa contingent over a week to offer a loyal man who led baseball’s former most proud franchise to 12 straight postseasons. Four world championships. Six pennants.

Who cared?1?!?!?!?! It wasn’t ENOUGH for the senile George Steinwhiner. He needed a change and vowed that it would happen if the Yanks fell in the first round to Cleveland (now one win from a WS).

So, what really happened behind closed doors the past couple of days? Here’s a look into the Clown Management plan:

Brian Cashman (Clown 1): George, what do you want to do? We lost again in the first round.

George Steinwhiner (Clown 2): He’s out! The reign of Torre overshadowing me is over.

Hank Steinbrenner (Clown 3): Uh. Uh. Uh.

Hal Steinbrenner (Clown 4): What he said.

Clown 1: Gentlemen, is this what you really want? The media and public backlash is going to be astronomical.

Clown 2 (backtracking): Well let me think for a minute.

Clown 3: Brian’s right.

Clown 4 (nods): Yep.

Clown 2: What if we came up with a way to deceive the public?

Clown 3: Sounds like a plan.

Clown 4: Uh. Uh. Okay.

Clown 1: If this is the route we’re going, I want you to know that I’m not taking the heat for how this plays out. I respect what Joe’s accomplished.

Clown 2: I’m the Boss! You are my GM and are part of this process. Even if it’s to listen to every order I bark.

Clown 1: Okay George. (ducks and covers)

Clown 3: So, what shall we offer?

Clown 4: Uh. Duh.

Clown 1: It’s got to be something that makes our side look respectable.

Clown 2: He’s right. Joe’s a good man. He might not have won a round the past three years but he has guided this team to 4 championships, 6 pennants and 10 division titles.

Clown 3: What about the 12 consecutive postseasons?

Clown 2: It was OUR GOD GIVEN RIGHT!

Clown 4 (shivers): Uh. Duh. Yep.

Clown 3: Okay.

Clown 1: So, what’s the plan here?

Clown 2: If we don’t offer a deal, we’re going to be evil and I can’t have that. So let’s offer an incentive deal with a paycut because it doesn’t matter that he’s had so much success. It’s what he’s done lately and that’s NOT ENOUUGGGGGGGH!

Clown 1: What do you got in mind George?

Clown 2: I paid Joe seven million to win a championship this year. He didn’t deliver. And the Yankees are about WINNING!!!!!

Let’s offer a paycut of about two million which would still make him the highest paid manager in the game.

Clown 1: Are you sure about this?

Clown 2: OF COURSE. I’M THE BOSS!

Clown 3: He is.

Clown 4: Uh duhhhhhhh.

Clown 1: If we’re going to execute this plan, it’s got to be handled delicately. So I suggest calling up Joe and start negotiating. We’ll fly him in and try to sell him.

Clown 2: I like that. It’s GENIUS.

Clown 1: So five million, one year?

Clown 2: Absolutely. But with an incentive postseason plan.

Clown 1: What exactly do you mean?

Clown 2: He gets five million for the season. But then as much as the other three million depends on how far he takes us.

Clown 1: In my management experience, I’ve never seen anything like this. It would be unprecedented.

Clown 2: That’s why we’re going to offer it.

Clown 1 : What if he turns it down?

Clown 2: If he does, then we don’t look bad here because we TRIED to keep him!

Clown 3: That’s true. He has a point.

Clown 4 : Yeah. It’s good.

Clown 3: He actually uttered more than a regular word.